Another modern pet hate of mine is grated cheese. Until very recently, if you ordered a cheese sandwich or cheese roll, just about anywhere in the UK, the cheese in it came in slices varying in thickness from great, luscious, meaty, satisfying ones, a quarter of an inch thick, to paper-thin ones you could see through. But always slices. Then, I don’t know exactly when, but really not very long ago, all this changed. Someone cottoned on that if you grate the stuff, a couple of ounces of cheese will make a huge number of sandwiches. The ultimate horror, a ploughman’s lunch with grated cheese, was not long in arriving. Grated cheese now seems, like the infernal tea-bag, to be just about universal. The only exception appears to be Stilton, for the very good reason that you simply can’t grate it. Basically, of course, grating Cheddar or similar cheeses is a way of selling people air – cheese-flavoured air – just as candy floss (American cotton candy) is a way of selling people sugar-flavoured air. And we, by and large, are stupid enough to accept it. I have once or twice protested, but only once successfully. The old King of Hearts café in Norwich produced a custom-made cheese sandwich for me with sliced cheese. That place is now under new management. I’ll try them out some time. However, I have very good news for anyone who feels about cheese sandwiches or rolls as I do. That news is the Alexander pub, just off Dereham Road and not actually in Alexander Road. I have always liked the Alex a lot. It is a proper old-fashioned town pub, with excellent food and real beer; and sensible prices. And if you order a cup of coffee you (usually) get biscuits with it. I was in the Alex recently and noticed a cheese roll for sale. Glory be to God! It contained thick SLICES of cheese! They told me they had always made them that way. Well so they should, and so should everyone else. It’s just that nobody else does any more! Moreover an Alexander cheese roll costs...can you believe it?...ONE pound! Floreat! Floreat!
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